From the Ashes of my Heart
by AlbinoWhisper
Summary: Another life is lost - and this time it's taken it's toll on Edward Elric. But when word of Edward's depression gets around to a certain bracken-haired Homunculus, nothing is certain. EDVY. Rated T for Language and Sexual Content.
1. Loss

**Author's Note:** _Hey guys! Recognize this piece of literature? Remember who wrote it? Why, yes! It _was _me! It's KingslyGrave, ya'll, and I've got a new account! Due to unforeseen (and nameless) circumstances, I have re-created a new account and will be posting ALL my stories and any other chapters/updates from HERE! So don't bother to keep looking for story updates from KingslyGrave - keep an eye out for CitrusMarshmallow! _

_Anyway, here is one of my more popular stories, From The Ashes Of My Heart (previously named Gomen, Ed)!_

* * *

Edward Elric had nothing to live for now. All the twenty-one year old knew was pain. At just the young age of three, his father left them. And at eleven, he lost his mother to disease. The only one he had left for all those years was Alphonse. His gentle younger brother, always rational and kind, never showed signs of such insecurities. But now, standing in the rain before a tombstone he had prayed he would never have to see, he was sure that Al had been suffering much more than he, as his elder brother, could ever have known.

"I'm sorry about Alphonse." Came a low voice that was undoubtedly Colonel Roy Mustang's. Edward Elric stole a glance over his shoulder and shrugged.

"I should have been able to to tell that he was...upset." Edward managed with a shaky voice. It was hard enough to have to stand before Al's grave, he didn't need to be humiliated by crying in front of his superior too.

"Al didn't think he needed help. He didn't want to worry you. Or any of us, for that matter." Mustang said in a gentle, consoling voice. Ed grit his teeth and shook his head.

"I failed him." He whispered. "Al needed me, more than anyone, and even if he didn't tell me face-to-face, I should have been able to--"

"Ed it isn't--" Mustang began. Edward growled, turned around and brandished a small piece of paper from his coat pocket.

"Look at it!" Edward yelled. Mustang, for the first time in his life, was a little afraid of his shorter subordinate. Regardless, the Colonel took the paper in his hand and saw that the handwriting was Al's. Scrawled on it were the simple words, _"I'm sorry. Love, Al."_ His face conveyed shock as he handed the paper back to Ed, who snatched it and stuffed it back into his pocket.

"When did he write that?"

"The night he died."

Roy was speechless and all he could do was watch as Edward fumbled with a lighter that he had taken out of his pocket. Ed didn't smoke, though. Not concerning himself with how the blonde had attained a lighter, he asked another question.

"Where did you find--"

"On his bed."

"Then how--"

"I knew he was in the house." Ed said, his voice low. "And when I came home, I found that and looked in every room until I came to the bathroom..." His voice trailed off but Mustang didn't need any further explanation to know what Edward found upon opening the bathroom door. He lowered his ebony-haired head.

"I'm terribly sorry, Edward."

"Save it." The blonde retorted as he walked passed the Colonel. "There's nothing you can do."

* * *

"Envy."

Violet eyes rolled upwards to see a rather disheveled-looking Greed. The shape-shifting Sin cocked up a dark brow.

"Just roll outta bed, sleepy-head?" Envy said in a mocking tone. The bespectacled man sneered at him.

"Just got back in from Central, actually."

"Then why are you here? Since when did you ever care to come to me just to chat? If you want to start a fight then--"

"Alphonse Elric is dead."

Envy stopped in mid-sentence and let his jaw drop. The other Sins that were in the room turned their heads to stare at Greed. He peered around the room for a moment, obviously enjoying the attention, and then stared back down at the shocked-into-silence Envy.

"He apparently committed suicide just three days ago." He continued. "No one really knows why, but Ed is taking it really hard."

"Why were you in Central?" Lust questioned from her spot in the lounge chair across the room. Greed shrugged.

"Just stopped by for a visit. Unfinished business, really." Greed answered dismissively. Lust scowled behind him before she busied herself with the book that rested in her lap.

"I hadn't seen the Fullmetal Shorty so depressed before." Greed continued, smirking. Envy seemed to have recovered and smiled back at Greed and shrugged.

"What made the great and big-headed Ultimate Shield want to come and tell _me_ this?"

Greed scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I figured you'd care the most."

"Why would I care _at all_ about that brat?"

"Well, seeing as he's your _half-brother _and everything..."

Envy narrowed his eyes at the Sin standing before him and hissed, "I have no relation to him."

"Oh, no? Why don't you tell Dante and Hohenheim that--"

_BAM!_

Greed now lay sprawled on the floor, his glasses thrown across the room. He looked up at Envy, the one who had struck him, and smirked. "Did I say something wrong?"

Envy, too angry to respond, kicked Greed in the side once more before stepping over him and leaving the room. Just before he left, however, he heard Lust call out to him.

"Envy, where are you going?"

The Sin stopped, looked over his shoulder, and smirked. "I can't let my little brother suffer alone, now can I?"


	2. Unexpected

**Author's Note:** _One advantage to having a brand-new account is now I can upload my previous stories faster! Now...as you read this... To Excalabar! -opens umbrella-_

* * *

"_Well I'll be damned."_ Thought Envy. _"Greed wasn't exaggerating. The kid really is depressed!"_

In the early hours of the morning, the Sin crouched in a tree, concealed by the thick leaves and maze of branches, watching as Edward stumbled about his dorm room within Central's main headquarters. His hair, which was normally pulled back in a neat braid, was in a tangled golden mess around his shoulders while his bangs hung limp over his face. It looked as though he hadn't eaten in days and Envy could have sworn that he had heard the blonde sniffle a few times – a tell-tale sign that he had been crying. The Sin almost felt sorry for Edward, but that deeply-felt anger returned and burned his throat, reminding him why he was _really_ here.

"Maybe if I'm lucky, the blonde shrimp will commit suicide too!" Envy muttered to himself as he shifted himself to be able to watch Edward slowly get dressed. Ed moved with slow, sluggish movements but it was not how he moved that caused Envy's eyes to widen or his jaw to drop.

"He's so...so..." Envy couldn't finish his sentence aloud, but many words still filled his head. Such words were, for lack of a better description, perverted. Though he could not help his thoughts, he still felt angry with himself for even letting such erotic ideas pass through his mind without earlier self-reprimanding. Brushing off the shock of the images and thoughts that had filled his mind moments before, the same burning anger and hatred returned and fueled his energy to move from the tree and get closer.

"Edward."

Envy stopped his scaling of the side of the broad building and assumed the form of a measly fly. Everything that had once been completely of average size to him became enormous and frightening. His sense of sight and smell was heightened considerably and he took advantage of that by flying through Ed's open window and placing himself on the blade of the ceiling fan. Careful not to fall off, he peered down to see that it was a short-haired woman who had intruded on the blonde.

Edward turned slowly to face who he recognized as Maria Ross. In her hands was a small basket, wrapped in clear cellophane, filled with fruits, flowers, and sweets. Stepping forth, she smiled gently. It had been some time since he had seen Maria and found that her presence was almost alien to him now.

"Edward, this is on behalf of the entire personnel here at Central." She said softly. Extending her arms, she handed him the basket. He studied the contents of the basket, picking out what he would eat and what he would refuse to touch. Smiling half-heartedly, he nodded to the dark-haired woman.

"Thanks, Maria."

Nodding, she began to turn and leave when she swiveled around again. "Oh, I almost forgot. Major Armstrong made you something..." She rummaged in her pockets for a moment before brandishing a small, handmade card written in large, bubbly print. From his spot on the blade of the fan, Envy read the card as Ed opened it.

"_To the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric."_ Envy read silently. _"I am terribly sorry for the loss of Alphonse. He shall be greatly missed. However, you are a treasured part of the State and we all appreciate you – even Roy. Feel better, Major Alex Louis Armstrong,"_

"Well, tell the Major that I said tha--" Edward began, but stopped as said Major burst in through the door.

"Edward Elric! I could not wait another moment without having to console you in person!" Alex Armstrong exclaimed, flexing habitually. Bounding forward, he clung to the now-frightened Alchemist and hugged him tightly. Edward felt the breath and, perhaps life, being squeezed out of him as he was lifted off the floor. Maria Ross stepped forward.

"Urm, Major! You'll hurt him if you aren't careful--!"

"Nonsense, Miss Ross! A good hug never hurt anybody!"

"Ex...ssss...cept...m-me!" Edward moaned as best he could. Alarmed, Armstrong set him down and patted his head.

"I am terribly sorry, young Edward!" He said, obviously trying not to hug him again in another futile effort in comforting him. Maria appeared beside the Strong Arm Alchemist, ready to attempt at holding him back should the need call for it.

"Thanks for the...urm...card." Edward said, smiling as best he could while still trying to get his bearings back. Armstrong's mustache lifted upwards at the ends, a tell-tale sign that he was grinning.

"You are welcome. Again, I am terribly sorry for your loss and am always here if you need someone to talk to or to get a hug from--"

"Oh, there you are Maria!"

Armstrong, Edward, and Maria turned towards the doorway to see Denny Brosh standing there and looking flustered. He smiled awkwardly and nodded to Edward and Armstrong, both of which waved back.

"Mustang sent me to get you. He says it's...urgent." Stifling laughter, Brosh turned to Armstrong. "Also, the Fuhrer is coming today, so if you could--"

"I'll be there to greet him immediately!" Armstrong said, posing and flexing again.

"Take care, Edward." Maria whispered and kissed him gently on the cheek. "We'll see you again, I hope."

"Yeah, see ya..." The blonde murmured. Armstrong, unable to help himself, hugged Ed tightly again before hurrying passed Ross and Brosh. It was just then that Edward noticed the considerable bump that was Maria's stomach.

"Urm...Maria?"

"Yes, Ed?" She asked, turning around from her spot beside Brosh. She followed his gaze and she patted her stomach gently.

"Oh, yes, I'm pregnant, actually."

Brosh grinned and flushed. "Guess who the dad is." He said, taking her hand and squeezing it. Maria smiled gently at him and then waved with her left hand; Edward noticed the engagement ring but said nothing about it. He waved back to them before closing the door and wallowing in his own depression yet again. Envy, growing tired of his fly-form, flew down from the fan and onto the arm of the small chair in the corner of the room. He watched Edward, who had sat down at the foot of his small bed, before deciding to make himself known.

Edward, who had become immersed in his thoughts of loneliness and sadness, saw a blinding light from the corner of his eye. Thinking he must have lost his sanity, he ignored it. Envy, who had now resumed his usual form, pouted at Ed's lack of...over-reaction.

"You really must be depressed." Envy said as Edward turned, surprised, in his direction.

"Envy!" He snarled, standing. "Look, if you've come here to harass me, then just don't bother because today is not my day to be--"

"I _am_ sorry, Edward."

Ed, stunned by the Sin's hospitality, froze. "...What?"

"You heard me." Envy cooed. "I said I am sorry."

The blonde looked baffled for a minute before narrowing his eyes and muttering in an accusing manner. "For what?"

Envy crossed his arms and sighed. "Just because I've only sought your death for the past few years now doesn't mean that I don't care. I'm talking about Alphonse's death!"

Edward seemed shocked into silence. And finally, "How did you hear about it?"

"Greed."

He fell silent and Envy watched as he sat down, resigned, and sigh. His amber eyes, usually fiery with energy and fight, now looked wet and dull – almost as if he had given up on life altogether. He seemed to be looking at his hands as though his palms would give him the answer to coping with his brother's death. The Sin almost felt sorry for him but, just as soon as the sympathy came, anger replaced it. What had Edward done for him other than piss him off and ruin the Homunculi's plans for the past six years?! Nothing, that's what. So, why should he show him any mercy? Envy looked down at his feet, obviously struggling with what he should do with himself. Edward hadn't even attempted at putting up a fight. He was so vulnerable right now! He looked up to see said blonde studying him intently. His cheeks burned faintly with shock and let his wild, violet eyes portray the anger he had been harboring.

"What are you doing?" Envy snapped. Ed shrugged and looked away.

"Just wondering why you're here. Surely it isn't because you've come to give me a gift basket."

Envy scoffed and smirked at the blonde's dry humor. "No, far from that. When I heard that you were depressed, I just wanted to see if it was true that you lil' brother had actually kicked the bucket. Shocking to say the least."

As he spoke, Envy had grabbed the basket, unwrapped the cellophane and proceeded to pick out a rather large chocolate orange. Splitting it open, he daintily picked out a slice and continued to speak.

"How'd Al die anyway? Suicide, right?" This was Envy's way of torture for the moment. He knew it pained Ed to bring up such a tender subject and just to have the Alchemist recall the memory of it was painful for him. The Sin concealed his grin behind the chocolate. He took a bite of it and munched as Edward glowered up at him.

"Yeah. He killed himself."

"Bullet to the head? Knife through the neck? Gimme more details, Chibi."

Edward, who was now starting to grow even angrier both at Envy's deliberate choice of words and the fact that he had the nerve to call him 'chibi,' scowled and answered in a low voice.

"Knife along the jugular vain."

The Sin winced. "Yeesh. Must've been a lot of blood, right? Poor boy was probably sucked dry by the time you reached him. All over the walls and everything." He popped another slice into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. He smiled at the pain he was causing but immediately frowned as soon as the blonde's eyes snapped back up to meet his shining violet ones.

"Where'd ya find him?" Envy asked now. Edward sighed and shook his head.

"Bathroom."

"Then why are you still living here? Didn't they need to investigate?"

Shaking his head, his voice quivered. "It wasn't this bathroom."

"Oh?" The Sin said, genuinely surprised. "Then where?"

"Winry's."

"Oh! Isn't she that blonde mechanic that always throws wrenches at you?"

Edward nodded. His hand shook and he sighed. "He and Winry were engaged."

Envy nearly choked on the fifth slice at this news. "So the used-to-be-tin-can got hitched, did he?"

Edward nodded. "They had a place in Amestris and Winry invited me over for dinner. She was gone and then I found that note and..."

Just then, much to the great surprise of the gorging Sin, Ed began to sob. His entire body rocked with heart-wrenching sobs and great wet tears fell down his face, staining the front of his black shirt and splattering to the ground between his feet. Envy sat there, unsure what to do, and watched him cry. He had never seen Edward cry like this. Maybe he should put the weak blonde out of his misery? No. Envy decided it wouldn't be fair in this situation – even _he_ had a heart. Not to mention he wanted a fair and hard fight so that way he could really call himself victorious rather than just completely heartless for taking advantage of the Fullmetal Alchemist during his lowest and weakest point. He finished off the chocolate orange and moved on to the rather large grapefruit that was pressed between a bag of mixed nuts and another bag of solid chocolate. He ripped the fruit open with his bare hands and listened while Ed tried to recompose himself. Finally, Edward stuttered out a statement.

"W-why are you...listening t-to m-m-me an-nyway?" The blond moaned. "W-why not-t k-kill me?"

"Mmm, good question." Came Envy's thick response from behind the mushy and moist mouthful of grapefruit. He shrugged. "Just wouldn't be fair. I want a good fight. Why, you lookin' for the Grim Reaper?"

Edward shook his head. "Al wouldn't have wanted that."

"Then don't think on it."

"But..."

"But nothing!" Envy hissed as he swallowed. The bitter taste heightened his senses in a way he couldn't really explain and proceeded to finish off the other half. Edward watched the Sin stand and walk over to him as he finished off the citrus. Shoving the peelings of the now devoured grapefruit into the blonde's abdomen, he leaned down.

"Suck it up and find someone else that makes you happy."

Standing, Envy turned on his heels and lunged back out the window. Edward watched after him but found that the Sin's form blurred almost immediately before he disappeared from sight completely. He looked down at the dripping peels in his hands and sighed. He didn't know how he'd ever find anyone that could make him happy ever again...


	3. Apology

**Author's Notes:** _Chapter three has now been re-released! Enjoy, my animal friends! -armstrong sparkle-_

* * *

His smile was so happy and so clear. His light brunette hair looked like it had been ruffled and his eyes glittered with happiness and bliss. Edward Elric fingered the brass edge of the picture frame, looking with sad eyes at the photograph of Alphonse and himself. He had never been able to tell, not once, that Al was emotionally sick and distraught. He didn't even know how long his brother had been struggling! If Al had just said something then maybe...

"I could've saved him..." Ed murmured, letting his flesh fingers brush against the frame one last time before he looked away.

The blonde trudged back over to his bed and lay upon it, looking up at the speckled white ceiling. From outside, he could hear the faint rumblings of a storm nearing. He sighed and shut his eyes. Maybe the storm would drown out his thoughts of Al and he could actually get some sleep tonight.

* * *

"_Great, a storm!" _Envy thought as he placed a pallid hand on a bony hip and looked up at the darkening sky. A dark tendril of greenish hair fluttered in front of his eyes as the wind picked up and he sighed.

"_I don't want to get stuck in this mess!"_ He concluded silently as he looked off in the distance towards the military dorms. He saw the faint flicker of a lamp from the room just three floors up and the seventh window from the left side. Edward Elric's room.

"The twerp probably doesn't want me around." He muttered as he sat in the tree in which he was perched. "I know I pushed him over the top the other day but..." His look of tranquil thought was interrupted with a look of pure sadistic pleasure. "It was so much fun!"

Standing, he headed towards Edward's dorm room, ready for round two.

* * *

Rain pelted the earth and slowly lulled the depressed blonde into a half-sleep. Though he was still greatly troubled, the sounds of the rain outside helped sooth him. Little did he know that a certain shape-shifting Homunculus was staring at him from just outside his window.

When Envy was convinced that Ed was too drowsy to notice him, he slipped inside. The room was lit only by a small oil lamp; but the warm glow it cast was welcoming. Envy shook his head to perhaps dry himself off a bit. Instead, he ended up rousing the sleeping blonde.

"What the..." Edward sat up and stared at his arm, which was covered in small droplets of rain water. Looking up, he saw the all-too-familiar Sin, Envy. He rose immediately, tensing for a fight. The Sin giggled at Ed's reaction to his presence.

"Calm down, O'Chibi, I'm not here to fight."

Edward faltered for a moment, almost as if he was considering whether or not to believe Envy. Relieved, Envy began to sit down. But, something must have clicked in Ed's mind and he lunged for the Sin.

"Get out!" The blonde yelled, pulling his fist back and taking a swing. Envy dodged the blow with ease, causing Ed to stumble forward and run into the squat dresser before him. Envy chuckled at Ed's clumsiness.

"Edo, don't fight. I told you I'm not here to hurt you. Just to...send my condolences, that's all." A cocky smirk followed this statement and caused Edward to grow even angrier. He scrambled to his feet and swung again, this time missing completely. Envy, however, in an attempt to assure that he would miss the blow, jumped backwards. His elbow jerked backwards and knocked over the picture frame of Alphonse and Edward. The frame clattered to the ground, the glass within it bursting. Edward ceased his attack to stare incredulously at Envy and the broken mess just behind his feet. His amber eyes smoldered with hatred and distress. Shoving the Sin out of the way, Edward hurriedly gathered up the glass and frame. The picture fluttered lightly out of its casing and onto the floor. Envy stared sadly at the picture, realizing then how much Edward really did miss his brother. Though he could not show his sympathy, he merely smirked amusedly at the blonde who was trying desperately to fix the frame. But, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't find the heart in transmuting it. In defeat, he set it on the dresser top.

"Why aren't you trans--"

"Get out." Edward hissed to the Sin angrily. Envy was taken back by the severity in the Alchemist's voice.

"What?" Envy countered.

"I said...GET OUT!" Edward now roared, punching the vulnerable and startled Envy in the abdomen. Stumbling backwards, Envy got the hint and scrambled from the room, disappearing into the torrents of rain that battered the earth now.

* * *

He hadn't meant to break the stupid frame! If he had wanted to, he would've take the liberty of taking the photo and ripping that to shreds too! But now Edward thought he was purposely trying to ruin his life. Of course, he's been accused correctly of such acts before so it didn't surprise him that the blonde twerp would jump to such conclusions. Regardless, he hadn't attacked him before and so what reason would he have now? But still, Envy _had_ tried to kill Edward on other circumstances...

Edward was stupid. That's all there is too it, Envy silently concluded as he took shelter in the branches of a tree just across Ed's room. A dark silhouette could be seen beyond the now closed window and curtains and he saw that Ed had his head in his hands. The poor boy was so alone and so sad. Envy grinned. Al should've died a long time ago if he had known Edward was going to act this way!

Envy had a heart but that heart was corrupted with the underlying blood lust that came with being a power-hungry Homunculus. And with that blood lust came the carelessness for others and the joy of others' pain. And so, as the Sin watched the blonde sob into his hands while sitting at the edge of his bed, he couldn't help but grin in elated bliss.

* * *

"That jerk!" Edward sobbed as he stared at the broken picture frame that rested on his dresser. The small shards of glass shimmered in the lamp's glow and seeing the now bent face of Alphonse only broke Ed's heart more as he continued to cry. He hated being so vulnerable and weak and now Envy was in town and ready to feed off his misery like a hateful and obnoxious little parasite. It was dark outside and all the crying that Ed had done had caused him to be exhausted. He had felt so extremely tired lately – though he wasn't surprised. Every time he closed his eyes, he would end up seeing fleeting images of Alphonse flicker in his mind like a roll of film until he woke up sobbing and wailing all over again. But, Ed knew that he'd at least get an hour or two of sleep and that would be enough to pull him through another heart-wrenching and miserable day...

* * *

"I hate myself for this. I'm going soft. I hate myself. I. Hate. My. Freakin'. Self!" Envy self-scolded as he watched Edward fall asleep. The oil lamp was out and Edward was tucked safely into his bed. Peering over the grainy stone window ledge, Envy spotted the broken frame; it shimmered in the post-storm moonlight. Easily, he managed to shake open the window (though with much strained effort to remain silent). Slipping in, he ducked down below the bed frame just in case Ed were to wake. Practically slithering to the dresser, he reached up and grabbed the frame and it's broken contents. Slowly, he flattened out the picture and proceeded to pull out a similar, yet nicer frame that he had purchased earlier that evening after Ed had kicked him out. He still beat himself up for being such a soft-hearted Sin...

"_Thank you! Come back again!" Came the light-hearted voice of the perky old man who sold the stupid tourist trinkets._

"_Will do!" Envy responded, wincing at his own high-pitched voice. He looked down at his alien arms now, which was covered in a stylish cardigan sweater. His newly polished fingers clutched a small paper bag that contained the new picture frame for Ed's stupid picture. Since the blonde cared so much about the picture, he might as well get him to shut up about it and buy him a new frame. So, Envy walked casually through the streets going unrecognized and no one more than just a simple and fragile young woman in her mid-20's._

And that is what brought him into Ed's domain again – risking his well-being for the sake of Ed's sanity. Slipping the new frame out of it's soft plastic covering, he opened it, slid the now flattened picture into it, snapped it into place and set it up so it would be the first thing Edward saw in the morning. Quickly, he gathered up the remains of his old frame and put it in the bag that had contained his purchase. And then, as a last-minute decision he scribbled a quick note on the back of the frame using the blood of his pinky finger. It was vulgar, but it would have to do. Making sure everything was in place, he disappeared from the room to wait for morning.

* * *

Edward woke refreshed the next morning, much to his pleasant surprise. The best part for the blonde was the fact that he was carefree for a moment or two upon waking up. He was disheveled and confused before everything hit him again and the depression would set in and ruin his entire day. But, at least his heart had a few moments of peace. But, the first thing to catch his eye was his picture, his most treasured possession as of now, standing proud and glimmering brilliantly in a brand new frame. He stood up, too shocked for words as he approached the frame as though in a dream. Slowly, he reached out, fearful that the frame would shatter beneath his touch.

"Who could've done this?" Ed wondered aloud. Little did he know that a certain shape-shifting Homunculus was just outside the window, disguised as a full-grown orange tabby cat. Envy's tail flicked in anticipation at Ed's reaction as he figured out who had done such a kindly act. It was then, just as he had hoped, the Edward flipped the frame over to inspect it further. The blonde's eyes widened in shock as he read the note that had been left.

"No...way..." Edward whispered as he reread the message over and over again.

Written on the back of the frame, in a dark crusty red, were the words, _"I'm sorry. -Envy."_


End file.
